Never be afraid to get dirty, but be sufficiently sure-footed to avoid the abyss of contamination.

Frontier

It rarely rains during the summers in San Francisco, but when it does…

Web page from the 90s. No online check-in? I’ve never seen that before. It’s raining in May? That must mean— yup, delayed. Extra time. Okay, airport time. Which line? Midwest. Okay, thanks.

Twenty minutes later…

Wrong line. This is Midwest. But I am Midwest. No, you’re going to Denver. That’s Frontier. But my final destination is Madison, and you’re the same airline now! It doesn’t matter. Go to the other line. But I just spent twenty minutes in that one. Sir, it’s the holidays. Go make some friends in the other line!

One hour later…

You won’t make your connecting flight. Are there any others? Not until June 3rd. But I have to attend a wedding! Listen, it’s the holidays. Everything’s booked up. What about to neighboring cities? Nope, nothing until next week. Hello, B? Yeah, this is the situation. Tonight’s the bachelor party. I know. Any options for other cities? Milwaukee, Chicago, Minneapolis. Thanks! See you soon. Sorry, all our tickets are booked for those cities. Marlene, you’re forgetting the flight to Milwaukee. Oh, yeah. We can get you to Milwaukee on Saturday. I’ll still miss the wedding. Well, sir, it’s the best we can do. What about other airlines? They’re all booked up, sir. I’m not lying to you!

My cell phone says otherwise: $99 for a redeye to Milwaukee tonight from Airtran. I book straight from the phone. They give me a confirmation. I take the BART and Muni home, arriving just when I would have touched down in Madison. No bachelor party, but I’ll make the rehearsal, and, most importantly, the wedding. I log onto the computer. Airtran has online check-in. I print out my boarding pass.

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