Never be afraid to get dirty, but be sufficiently sure-footed to avoid the abyss of contamination.

I Have Seen the Future!

<procrastinate>

I might be violating the space-time continuum by mentioning this, but I have seen the future!

Do you remember that abandoned time machine we found on our walk a few weeks ago? Well, I went back to see if it was still there, and guess what? It was!

The door hinge had rusted, so it wasn’t hard to get inside. There was a large, circular, grayish button; it had a yellow post-it note that said, “Do not touch.” Well, I figured the machine was busted, so I removed the post-it and pushed the button. The time machine started to rattle. I looked at the dial: April 19, 2018.

Swoop-de-doodle-do! I was kind of expecting a more dramatic sound effect for time travel, and “swoop-de-doodle-do” came off as kind of goofy. I pictured a rooster playing basketball. Then again, it seemed like the type of sound a time machine with rusted door hinges might make.

The machine stopped rattling. I stepped out and saw a huge LCD screen in front of me, and we were on it. What’s going on? I thought to myself. It was on a news channel. We were dressed in robes. According to the caption, we were part of a swearing-in ceremony: we had just conquered the world.

The talking heads were debating what titles we would give ourselves: the conservatives were pushing “Royal Leader” and the leftists were advocating “First Among Comrades.” We were also winning various awards: an Emmy, an Oscar, and what was that last one? Oh yes, the Nobel Committee had given us the Peace Prize and the Prize in Economics. I couldn’t follow their justifications for either and with good reason: the segment wasn’t subtitled, and I didn’t know Swedish. How odd! Why would an English news program broadcast a segment in Swedish?

Before I could figure out the answer, the music suddenly changed, which startled me. My eyes opened wide. The television screen was no longer LCD. I was no longer in the time machine but on my couch. Just when the future was getting interesting, I am back in the present. That future looks unlikely while I’m stuck in this tag.

</procrastinate>

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